As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.
~ Leo Buscaglia
Sex therapy is can be a confusing topic for individuals and couples to understand. People who are interested in seeking help to improve their sexual relationships are frequently left scratching their heads trying to understand what a sex therapy is, and what a sex therapist does. This lack of understanding is often compounded by our cultures uneasy relationship to human sexuality and a general reluctance to discuss sexual concerns. This article will attempt to provide a basic explanation of what sex therapy is followed by a section on frequently asked questions.
At its’ core, sex therapy is about utilizing a variety of interventions, to expand how people relate to their sexuality, and the sexuality of others, so they may experience a richer, more satisfying sexual relationship with themselves and their intimate partners. Sex therapy generally includes education, home based assignments and interventions designed to improve the expression of sexuality. When working with couples, a sex therapist also looks for unaddressed needs, desires and feelings that may undermine optimal sexual functioning in the relationship.
Sex therapists treat a variety of issues such as difficulties with sexual arousal, sexual desire, pain while attempting to engage in sexual activity as well as problems with sexual desire and orgasm. Both straight and gay couples can benefit from sex therapy, often reporting that not only has there been an improvement in the quality of their sexual intimacy but a deepening trust and emotional connection with their significant other. Individuals also benefit from sex therapy, discussing concerns about their sexual functioning, avoidance of intimacy and embarrassment discussing sexual concerns and desires.
Some of the most common issues that interfere with sexuality include;
1. Lack of knowledge about how ones body works sexually and
gender based beliefs, such as “good girls don’t”, and “real men should”, which only serve to limit how people communicate about sexual desire and pleasure;
2. Time constraints, career and family demands, and excessive stress that impair arousal and sexual responsiveness;
3. Emotion struggles and resentments resulting in sexuality being used as a tool to indirectly, communicate the presence of relational discord.
4. Life transitions and medical issues that impair satisfactory sexual functioning.
When a couple, or individual, comes in for therapy related to sexuality they can expect a combination of interventions that include, a) assessment of the presenting issues, b) assessment of the couple, or individuals, style of interpersonal relationship, c) sexuality education, and d) directed therapeutic interventions.
a) Assessment of the presenting sexual issues begins with;
• An in depth exploration of current and past sexual functioning
• Understanding current and past sexual attitudes and experiences
• Understand the ways in which past experiences may be contributing to problems in the here and now
• Listening for the “stories” one tells oneself about the role of sex and intimacy in ones life
• Assessing how ones body image may impact on ones sense of sex and sexuality
• Exploring the possibility of physiological issues that may interfere with current sexual functioning
b) Assessment of the couples, or individuals, style of interpersonal relationship
• Exploring couple interactions and their emotional impact on the relationship
• Exploring the preferred sexual styles that each individual brings to their sexual relationship
• Understanding the role of trust, power and control in emotional and sexual relationships
• Understanding communication skills related to emotional, sexual and relationship needs
c) Sexuality education
• Discussing the anatomy and physiology of sex and sexuality
• Leaning to discuss and combine sexuality, trust and play into ones sexual relationship
• Suggested reading materials
d) Directed therapeutic intervention
• Structured homework assignments
• Challenging unhelpful patterns if communication
• Teaching relaxation, communication and tools to enhance intimacy
• Referrals for medical evaluations and/or other interventions as needed
Common questions related to sex therapy.
Q. Does the therapist have sex with their clients?
A. No! This is illegal and unethical. A sex therapist will not touch you, or expect you to be sexual with him, or her, in any way, shape of form. A sex therapist is a trained and licensed mental health professional such as a social worker, psychologist, marriage and family therapist or licensed counselor. After completing a graduate degree the therapist then seeks out additional specialized training, and supervision, in the diagnosis and treatment of sexuality issues. While sex therapy often includes the explicit discussion of sexual material, and the interventions offered are often sexual in nature, to be explored in the privacy of ones home and with ones self or ones partner, there will never be any form of sexual interaction with your therapist.
Q. How long does sex therapy last?
A. Sex therapy, historically, has been considered a shorter-term therapy that has focused specifically on sexual issues. However, like any form of therapy it is difficult to determine how long therapy will last. This can be determined between you and your therapist.
Q. Do sex therapists only work with sexuality issues?
A. That depends. Many sex therapists work with a variety of issues. As sex therapists are trained psychotherapists, the scope of their practice frequently includes a broad range of clients. Most sex therapists have extensive experience treating concerns such as substance abuse, depression, anxiety, survivors of sexual abuse and general life transition challenges. Other sex therapists choose to focus specifically on issues of sex and sexuality.
Q. If I have a medical concern that is impacting my sexual functioning, can you help me locate a provider that will address this issue with me?
A. Absolutely! Sometimes problems related to sexual functioning require medical intervention. For men, this may mean working with a urologist to explore issues related to genital blood flow, testosterone levels, prostate issues or other concerns with genital functioning. For women, this may include meeting with a gynecologist or other medical personal, to explore sexual pain issues or problems with lubrication. Whatever the issue, a medical consultation, or consultation with other sexuality professionals can be arranged and included in your therapy.
If there are specific questions that you have about sex therapy, please feel free to e-mail me at www.josephwinnlicsw@josephwinnlicsw.com
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